My Mind is A Wallflower

I have had many anxiety-ridden things happen to me recently. Because of these things, I have had to start taking anxiety medication. It hasn’t been bad, but it is just another medication that I have had to add to the already long list of medications I take. Migraines and depression are two of the main reasons I take medication, and now anxiety has joined the list.

When Does It All Become Too Much?

Sometimes I sit back and wonder how I got to this point. How did I go from just trying to get through everyday life to needing medication to help me manage so many different things?

Don’t get me wrong. I am thankful that there are medications available to help me. I know that without some of them, my days would probably be much harder than they already are. But that doesn’t mean I have to like taking them.

There is something emotionally exhausting about adding another pill to your daily routine. Another reminder is that something isn’t quite right. Another thing that I must manage, remember, and somehow fit into my already complicated life.

And sometimes, I am just tired of it all.

When Everything Feels Like Too Much

Lately, it feels like life has been coming at me from every direction. Between things happening in my personal life, things going on at work, and just the everyday responsibilities of being an adult, I feel like I haven’t had much of a chance to catch my breath.

It seems like every time I think things might finally settle down, something else happens.

And I am tired.

Not just physically tired, although that is definitely part of it. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted.

I feel like I spend so much of my time trying to keep everything together that I don’t really have time to process how I am feeling about any of it.

At work, I have responsibilities that don’t just disappear because I am having a bad day. At home, there are things that need my attention, too. And somewhere in the middle of all of that, I am supposed to find time to take care of myself.

But how do you take care of yourself when you feel like you’re being pulled in a hundred different directions?

I wish I had the answer to that.

There are days when I just want everything to stop for a little while. Not forever. Just long enough for me to clear my head, catch up with myself, and feel like I am not constantly trying to stay one step ahead of the next problem.

And the frustrating part is that I know everyone has problems. Everyone has stress. Everyone has things going on in their lives that other people know nothing about.

But knowing that doesn’t make what I am feeling any less overwhelming.

When Your Mind Won’t Give You a Break

One thing I have noticed is that even when the day is finally over, the worrying doesn’t stop.

I can be sitting at home, with absolutely nothing that needs my immediate attention, and my mind will still find something to worry about.

Something that happened at work. Something someone said. Something I need to take care of tomorrow. Something that might happen next week.

It is like my brain has decided that if there isn’t something to worry about right now, it needs to go looking for something.

And honestly, it is exhausting.

I am already struggling with depression and migraines, and now I feel like anxiety has decided to join the party.

It’s not exactly a party I wanted to attend.

I try to find a little humor in it because sometimes that is all you can do. But underneath that humor is someone who is genuinely tired of feeling overwhelmed.

I don’t expect life to be perfect. I don’t expect every day to be easy. I just wish that once in a while, things could be a little quieter.

Not necessarily around me.

Just inside my head.

Anxiety Has a Way of Sneaking Up on You

I have dealt with depression for years, and in many ways, I have learned to recognize when it is starting to take over. I know some of my triggers, I know what my bad days look like, and I have learned to live with the ups and downs.

But anxiety feels different.

Anxiety has a way of making you worry about things that haven’t even happened yet. It can make the smallest situations feel overwhelming and turn an ordinary day into one filled with tension and uncertainty.

Sometimes, even when everything around you seems perfectly fine, your mind refuses to believe it.

And that is probably one of the most frustrating parts. You can tell yourself a hundred times that everything is going to be okay, but convincing your mind to believe it is an entirely different story.

I’m Tired of Having to Be Strong

I think one of the hardest things about dealing with mental health struggles is that life doesn’t stop just because you’re having a difficult time.

There are still responsibilities. There is still work. There are still bills to pay, things that need to get done, and people who depend on you.

You get up, put on a smile, and go about your day because that is what you must do.

And most people probably have no idea what is going on inside your head.

Sometimes I wish I could just turn my thoughts off for a little while. Not worry about tomorrow, not replay yesterday, and not feel like I have to prepare myself for whatever might happen next.

Just have a little peace.

Learning to Accept That I Need Help

I am still trying to remind myself that needing medication doesn’t mean I have failed at anything. It doesn’t mean I haven’t tried hard enough or that I should somehow be able to handle everything on my own.

It simply means that right now, I need a little extra help.

And maybe that is something I need to learn to be okay with.

I don’t know what the next few months will bring. I don’t know whether this anxiety is something that will eventually settle down or something I will have to learn to manage long-term.

What I do know is that I am still here, still trying, and still figuring things out as I go.

Some days are better than others. Some days I feel like I am finally getting somewhere, and other days it feels like I have taken ten steps backward.

But I guess that is part of the journey.

I don’t need to have everything figured out today. Sometimes, just making it through the day is enough.